Snake Punch

wow

2005-04-21T07:39:00.000-07:00

farts and guts

2005-04-19T13:14:00.000-07:00

a new pope has been elected. and the most fucked up thing about this dude, is it turns out he used to sell acid at my high school to minor niners. i swear to god.

man, i love it when people write worse then me and take it turbo seriously, i think thats why i find this assholes so-called creative writing so fucking hilarious. it sounds like a dude who's read too much oscar wilde trying to write a letter to penthouse forum. hahahah. fag.

okay, one more week of real world work, then i am done for a while. off to england for the summer may 12th. blastin dudes butts and doing english grade pcp.

blast butts.

2005-04-15T13:43:00.000-07:00

im developing an irrational fear of poodles.

wait until they start exercising

dear diary.....

2005-04-15T07:20:00.000-07:00

some things i have done in the past while drunk that I shouldn't have.....

ate a pita i found in the gutter then puked it up.

ate a slice of pizza i found on the ground and used the dipping sauce beside it.

clogged Cindy's sink with my vomit.

destroyed jeffs medicine cabinet.

painted my wang purple and ran through peterborough naked. Then puked my guts up in an alley while still naked and had refrigerator boxes thrown at me.

saw a dude get stabbed in the neck, then went up to the dude who stabbed him and said "dude did you just stab him in the neck?" before he ran away, then instead of helping the stabbed guy i went to get a pita.

pissed on christy's bed.
pissed on the floor beside my bed.
pissed in Jeff's pots
Pissed on gordies cot, then flipped it over, which got the piss all over his carpet.
pissed on ben's coffee table.
pissed in gordie and the heats bathtub.
pissed in the corner of the sidebar.
pissed on the floor of ledgers bathroom.

Scared the shit out of the heat by asking him to go "steve it up" when he was trying to sleep.

gave myself fake tattoos with permanent marker that said "super slut" and "fuck you". then fell asleep and ruined the bed linen when all the ink ran into the sheets.

feel free to add some if you remember any stories i left out.

do yourself a huuuuugggge favor

2005-04-12T12:52:00.000-07:00

okay, if you never look at anything on this blog again, just do yourself a huge favor and watch this it is the best thing i have ever seen. and i've had the tune stuck in my head all day

im late

2005-04-12T08:21:00.000-07:00

how come i'm the last person in the world to find out about group hug

2005-04-11T13:47:00.000-07:00

if anyone knows where i can get a copy of "KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park" please let me know, after watching these clips i think i need to see it

that joke isn't funny anymore.....

2005-04-06T08:41:00.000-07:00

why can't i just listen to music on the radio. its hard enough for me to listen to "closer to the heart" for the 183920130410847890th time as it is, but lately, when i've tried to turn on radio stations that play music i have to hear dj's talk about how hilarious "mullets" are or say the word "for-shizzle" like they were the first person to ever notice these keen observations. please, shut up, your not funny, also, sorry to bum you out but you aren't going to be the next howard stern. I know you thought your bit about a goat farting would go over really well but the fact remains you will probably never be popular or famous. this especially applies to 102.1 the edge. when they had wee-man and Steve-O on the air, both of them kept swearing and intentionally going too far with the show, meanwhile dean blundell and his pack of loyal retards were too afraid to say anything and couldn't make any funny observations. dude, you guys can't even fucking interview Steve-O? thats fucked, that dude is a retard, and you guys still weren't up for it. later on in the week howard stern interviewed the same two guys and they were laughing at how they managed to get the dudes from 102.1 in shit.

i think that seals your fate, you'll be interviewing j list canadian celebrities until the day you die. oh by they way good luck on your interview with Thornley, i'm sure everyone is dying to hear that one. please just play the music and shut up.

woah, get normal crutches, like drugs and sex....

2005-04-04T13:56:00.000-07:00

okay someone needs to be a friend and tell juliette lewis that she needs to cut it out, seriously, this is almost as bad as melanie griffith's website with all the weird sound effects.

rick astley

2005-04-04T13:51:00.000-07:00

i can get lost on this site for hours, also, check out this spot, a sweet design firm

the sky is falling

2005-03-30T08:17:00.000-08:00

we are living in some dark days i tells ya......

say word

2005-03-28T13:58:00.000-08:00

listen to black metal

yeah!

2005-02-26T14:34:00.000-08:00

just remember when the internet bums you out that theres pictures like this one right around the corner on some idiots shared server. hahahahahah

best picture on the internet

2005-02-23T11:19:00.000-08:00

the new best picture on the internet

its been some time

2005-02-23T08:09:00.000-08:00

yeah, i dont got much to say, instead i'll post two links worth checking out.

Here

and

here

more later

JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ

2005-02-08T08:17:00.000-08:00

aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Daunte Culpepper and Morrisey, the reality show

2005-02-03T13:24:00.000-08:00

yo, well another week is almost done, time for my favorite time of the week again, the weekend, especially this weekend cause theres a big party that im going to intentionally try and get wreckedtified.

Man, does anyone go on myspace? i know its kinda cheesy but whatever, this week i had a gay 16 year old boy tell me i was cute, how often would that happen if i wasnt on myspace huh?

the best thing about it, is seeing how dramatic teenagers are about everything, or in the case of some people i know, twenty-somethings. its like a game trying to find the funniest tragic names like "heart covered in the wounds of ashes" or some shit like that, its awesome, and half the time people have some picture of themselve committing suicide or something. Im convinced when people live in the suburbs too long they lose track of reality, im not some urban dude who grew up in the ghetto talking about how the hard life makes you a man, however i do think there is something to be said for seeing a homeless bum with shit filled pants to make you realize your problems aren't as tragic as you might think. its like after seeing a million good charlotte videos and episodes of the O.C. everyone thinks that they represent what reaility is supposed to be like or something. The fact of the matter is life should be more fun then that, people who take themselves too seriously are soo anti-party there should be a new word for it. honestly have you ever been at a hipster party or a post-punk rock kids party? they suck. everyones more woried about whether or not its cool to like the super obscure shavon album produced in a tree by a drunken midget then to actually put it on, dance to it, and hopefully fuck someone to it.

well needless to say this weekend i can tell i'm in party mode, and it should be a good one. hope everyone else has a blast too.

word

im out like gout

who knew...

2005-02-02T10:24:00.000-08:00

two nazi action figures could fall in love??? they looks so happy together

creepy shit....

2005-01-31T13:18:00.000-08:00

just when you thought we had reached the bottom of the barrel with respect to how retarded people had become, a study like this comes out that proves that the next generation looks even more fucked then its predecessors. yikes.

how was everyones weekends? anything cool happen to anyone? theres a party up at western this weekend, if you have boobs you are invited. if you have a wang you can probably come but you can't tell people you heard it from me. if you have boobs and a wang you'll probably find this party a little dull compared to tranny parties.

couldn't say it better myself....

2005-01-28T13:06:00.000-08:00

Jim Goad nailed it on the nose. replace the word zine with almost any other word and it helps to explain my problem with scenesters and hipsters, thankfully for most its just a phase.

"As one scrawny twig on the Hipster Tree, zinedom is an effete ghetto of exclusion and snobbery. Zines exist for hipsters, and hipsters exist for—I've forgotten why hipsters exist. Oh, right—hipsters exist for the express purpose of wishing that their viewpoints never gain mass acceptance. Hipsters don't want to overthrow the mainstream, they merely want to perpetually coexist with it in a state of adversarial bitchiness. There is no such thing as "alternative culture," only half-assed reasons for wanting to be different. All "alternative movements" devolve into factionalism and backbiting. This is why the mainstream has never lost a battle."

am i a hypocrite? yes, but so is Jim Goad.

if you got it.....

2005-01-25T13:51:00.000-08:00

flaunt it. finally a prom dress that states the obvious....."Im getting laid tonight"

if you got it....

2005-01-25T13:49:00.000-08:00

flaunt it. finally a prom dress that states the obvious....."Im getting laid tonight"

finally....

2005-01-24T10:06:00.000-08:00

an excuse for my mood.

well well well

2005-01-21T11:56:00.000-08:00

here we go, short post before the weekend.

1. does anyone have any music to reccomend to me? im desperate, I need something new.

2. I went through a crap load of blogs yesterday , has anyone noticed how mundane some of them are? i mean im not exactly riding a rocket ship full of hookers and cocaine either but I mean, you don't have to advertise the fact that your life is dull. especially video blogs, those ones are the worst.

3. shoot hipsters in the face.

www.fuckedupnerdwhoneedsalife.com

2005-01-18T13:16:00.000-08:00

woah, i was searching on the internet today for snl cast members and came across a pretty fucked up website here. at first i thought it was like a fan site or something then i read the disclaimer. it turns out that someone is playing a "role-playing game" where there pretending to be amy poehler and entering journal entries as amy poehler. woah, isnt that pretty up there on the fucked up scale, that seems like a bit of a stretch for a "role playing game" and more along the lines of "psycho fan" who sends letters to famous actresses with lines like "I love the way you breathe" or some other fucked up stuff.

i dont care how much you try and rationalise something like that as a "role playing game", it isn't. role playing games are where nerds get together and roll dice and pretend to shoot lightning out of their hands to compensate for a lack of pussy in there life, i know, i used to do it myself.

how did they miss this?

2005-01-18T10:20:00.000-08:00

go to www.penisland.net honestly, how did they miss the obvious so blatantly?

awesome....

2005-01-14T06:25:00.000-08:00

KARE-TV of Minneapolis recorded the exchange between Randy Moss and reporters outside the Vikings' practice facility.

Reporter: "Write the check yet, Randy?"

Moss: "When you're rich you don't write checks."

Reporter: "If you don't write checks, how do you pay these guys?"

Moss: "Straight cash, homey."

Reporter: "Randy, are you upset about the fine?"

Moss: "No, cause it ain't shit. Ain't nothing but 10 grand. What's 10 grand to me? Ain't shit … Next time I might shake my penis."

Randy Moss is the best

oh man....

2005-01-13T13:22:00.000-08:00

has anyone heard about this band called "The Bravery"? woah, they suck so bad, in case you haven't seen them yet you can check them out at http://www.thebravery.com/ or as they would write (czech them out, no joke, thats actually on there website), okay if anyone was reading this thing 6 months ago i predicted the down fall of ashlee simpson far before all the fiasco's she got herself involved in, my prediction this time for this band the bravery is as follows:

Someone you know will like them, i'm sorry to tell you this but its true. Someone you thought was a friend will completely stab you in the back by admitting they like what has to be considered 2005's version of Andrew W.K. (remember him, the guy every idiot said was bringing back rock) with the energy and friendliness replaced by acting obnoxious and art-faggy. I bet possibly one of your friends might even think they dress cool, or there lyrics are good or something equally ridiculous. the problem i have with this band is how desperate it all seems.

clearly the band is trying to be an eighties throwback, which by all accounts is a trend that is coming to its close, electro-clash is basically dead, you have leg warmers being sold in the gap, and (hopefully) everyone is starting to get sick of cocaine.

In the video the band is seen playing in front of a room full of girls, which are all dancing to the latest rock craze, truly its a shitty and pathetic video to begin with, but the worst part by far is at one point, right before the singer is about to sing.....are you ready......he takes a sip of beer. hahahahaha. i wouldn't care if this was a live show or something, but in a high budget video shoot for a major label do you have any idea how bullshit that beer sip is? i guarantee there was stupid conversation about how bad ass it would be or it was even written in the script "singer tears through the crowd and goes for one last bad-ass swig of ale before he wails on the microphone" hahahahahaha.

another thing is try reading anything about them without it saying somewhere there from NYC. jeez, its almost starting to get trite.

and last but not least, if you don't hate them yet, they went on the record saying this: "Well, you know all those other bands we’re compared to? The Strokes, The Killers, all those bands? They’re Danny DeVito. The Bravery are Arnold Schwarzenegger."

hahahahaha, not only do they speak about themselves in the third person but they actually used a fucking reference to the movie twins, hahahahahaha. whats next, a perfect strangers reference? "yeah those other bands are like larry, the Bravery is like Balki"

thats why if your friend admits to liking them you can't be friends anymore with them. just thought i would let you all know.

fuck fuck fuck fuck

2005-01-13T10:59:00.000-08:00

Dear Life,

Fuck off.

Love, Simon

2004 in review

2005-01-11T10:02:00.000-08:00

yo dudes, heres a quick review of some of my favorite things in 2004, this thing was kind of thrown together real quick so bare with me and don't cry if i don't mention your favorite song or something retarded like that, these are just my opinions.

songs (cause my attention span is too short to listen to the entire album)

soft
Pedro the lion - "bands with managers" - first song off the achilles heel album, its whiny and self loathing and emo and the lyrics are nothing special but i'm a fan. the rest of the album kind of blows, i guess heroin addicted christians just aren't that interesting to me.

All Night Radio - "We're on our wave" - Quiet psychadelic kind of rock thing, the rest of the album definitely has its moments but at other times gets a little too gentle for my liking.

Chromeo - "Needy Girl" - fun kind of cheesy track, kind of like you can't tell whether there joking ro not but after listening to it I had the song stuck in my head for a week, which is kind of the point of pop music.

Gwen Stefani - "What you waiting for" - this song made me want to be a chick. Girls are the new cool minority for 2005, kind of like how gays were in 2004. and that part where she goes "ah, ah, ah, ah", i could probably masturbate to that.

Depeche Mode - "Never let me down again (Split Mix)" - from the depeche mode remixes album, the only reason this is here is because it sounds very similar to the original, which is a classic. the majority of the rest of the album is some of the worst shit ive ever heard in my life. How the fuck did the dude from linkin park get permission to remix "personal jesus"?

The Faint - "Symptom finger" - although I like Danse Macabre more then their new album "Wet From Birth", it still had some definite bright spots. plus their live show is really good, my only regret was I didn't do drugs when I saw them. That and the place was crammed with hipsters, fuck hipsters have to be the most boring people in the world, if your that concerned about dancing messing up your hair you should hang out with Kojo and talk about how dazzling Gwenyth Paltrow's new gown looks instead of being a music snob, it suits your shitty personality better.

p.s. - I know you were listening to Dashboard unplugged last year.

Handsome Boy Modelling School featuring Rza AG and the Mars Volta - "A day in the life" - this song almost makes me angry its so good. the first time I heard it was on a college radio station but they never said who it was, right away i recognized Rza and AG but when i searched for it on the internet nothing ever came up. Moving on, later I got the handsome boy modelling school album and noticed a track featuring all these artists, with out even remembering the song i heard on the radio I assumed it would be some shitty rap-rock combo, then I listened to it and boom. its depressing cause it would be nice to see a blemish on the Mars Volta here, they came out looking so noble from At the Drive-In considering how horrible sparta is and I thought this would be a shit stain on their white satin sheets. I was wrong. On top of that, now AG and Rza probably think they're cool too. fuck.

Madvillain - "All Caps" - a great song on a good album. The piano rolls, the way the drums sneak up on the start then the lyrics drop with the flute. If you smoked a huge joint and listened to this song for the first time it would automatically make you a pot head cause the two go together so well.

harder
Death From Above 1979- "Turn it out" - This is an example of pick almost any song of the album and it could be here. a really really excellent album, its too bad the singer is dating Kelly Osborne now, honestly, what does he see in that fat piglet?......oh right.....money.

The Panthers - "We are Louder" - this album was kind of a let down to me cause the production on it really killed it for me. It suffered a bit from not being noisy and loud enough, regardless, theres still some sweet songs on here and this band fucking kills live too. Also, the singer isn't a pretty boy which is awesome cause you know he actually parties.

The Walkmen - "The Rat" - I heard this for the first time like a month ago despite it being out forever, fuck.

Hot Snakes - "Retrofit" - "Audit in progress" is my pick for best album of the year. pick any song off this album, they're all great.

Isis - "Altered Course" - since when did the singer from Isis start singing like Chris Cornell? I don't get it. this is the best song on Panopticon because theres no shitty vocals on it. This song is super good but as a whole the album seems a little too long.

hardest

Axis of Advance - "Revolution Decimation" - If there was a class taught on how to make a metal song I think this would be a good template. Just a really good metal song, I don't know alot about the band or the album (obey), I thought the song was about dudes walking through a village beating the shit out of people but apparently there's like some huge science fiction story to it.

Converge - "You Fail me" - good album, but not as good as.....

Breather Resist - "An Insomniacs complexion" - Like this album more cause its more straight up. read alot of reviews completely shitting on this album but I preffered it as a whole to Converge which I found very hot and cold. why is it that music journalists always think metal and hardcore are about progression and taking it to the next level? thats bullshit, sometimes I just want to listen to a loud album thats catchy, I don't feel like listening to a 7/13 off time drum role over a four verberation power chord with a dude screaming through a fuzz pedal or whatever if it sounds like shit. That garbage is for music nerds.

Cave In - "Trepanning" - to be honest i dont know if this was made in 2004 or not but its pretty rad, a really good rock riff in it and the trademark cave-in screaming is pretty bad ass, looks like a bunch of space rock kids are going to be bummed out if they go back to playing metal.

dert

2005-01-07T06:51:00.000-08:00

anyone know how to add links to my blog? like down the sidebar or something?

Dear diary, why wont Chad ask me to the prom?

2005-01-06T10:35:00.000-08:00

whatsup everybody who reads this? aka me. anyways, yeah the holidays are over and to be honest im kind of glad there over by the end the partying was getting a little forced on my part, i guess the final straw was when i couldnt go out on new years cause my body hated me for filling it up with so much shit. I made a boat load of new years resolutions but theres no point mentioning them here, it just seems kind of lame to post to the public what you want to do in the upcoming year, like why the fuck would anyone care? it just seems like something fat chicks do to give themselves motivation, like "i promise you all, this is my year to spread my wings and follow my dreams to the sky!" ugh. gay.

anyways.

whats a year past without a top 10 list? am i right? well i promise i'll have one up soon, im just not done filling in all the spots, and i dont want it to be all forced so its better to be patient.

in the mean time i've compiled a new list of things i hate, without further ado here they are:

1. people who say they have no regrets
okay, how many times have you read an interview or heard some loser tell you "i don't regret anything cause if i changed anything i would've never been the person i am today", what!!!! yeah you probably could've been a much better cooler person. I don't know about everyone else but i regret doing something or not doing something at least once a day. people who say they have no regrets are so naive and retarded there should be a new word for it. its like "yeah i have no regrets dude, otherwise i might not be the self loathing boring asshole i am today", i think my biggest regret is being friends with idiots who say they have no regrets. if you honestly can't think of any bad choices you've made in your life your either on a new level of being conceited that makes donald trump look nervous or your head is jammed so far up your ass your essentially blind.

2. people who name there kids after themselves
honestly dude, your probably not that cool. It's different if you were a king or like a war hero or something but what's so glorious about your stupid life as an accountant from hartford that makes you think your name should be passed on to the next generation of your blood line? or is it that your really lazy and unoriginal and trying to think up a different named just seemed like a really demanding task? Either way if i was your son i'd probably become goth and try kissing dudes just to piss you off.

3. stupid anti-americans
yeah everyone knows george bush sucks, so what? alot of Canadians have this gay "cooler than thou" attitude about americans that makes me want to fucking puke on the flag. The best is when the stupid fuckers make some sweeping generalization about americans and in doing so look like fucking morons, like the "yeah everyone in texas has a gun and they all shoot eachother", yeah dude, wicked, your fucking smart man, why don't you go live out the rest of your life according to stupid fucking "i am canadian" beer commercials and hoser cliches. Usually the anti-american retards are the people who embody alot of the things they claim to hate the most about america, being a fucking idiot. is there anything more ignorant than token anti-americanism in canada? honestly its basically up there right now with admitting kelly Osborne is "rad". another thing that bothers me about these assholes is how much there willing to overlook problems in canada. We got a health care system thats going to shit, a CBC that s subsidised 800 million a year but still produces the worst shit ever on tv and we had a human rghts violating dictator come to our country and when people did a peaceful protest against him they all got pepper sprayed by the mounties cause at the dictators request he didn't want to "see protestors", this country is fucked too.

well thats all for now, i've probably wasted enough of everyones time.

peace fleece.

2005-01-06T10:34:00.000-08:00

run to the hills

2005-01-04T06:29:00.000-08:00

yo dudes, holidays are over, back at work, hope everyone has some good stories from the holidays. it is now 2005, i made some pretty serious decisions about what i want to do this year and hopefully they come to fruition. i will add more shit later, i dont really feel like writing, i just kind of felt obligated.

elementatis

2004-12-23T09:45:00.000-08:00

yo dudes, found a wicked site, www.paperrad.org , i dont really know what its all about but its pretty fun to check out, i highly reccomend the animations/

anyways, so far ever night this week ive gotten quite drunk, i desperately need some sleep but i suppose that can wait for the weekend.

tuesday night turned out to be ridiculous, a bunch of my friends came down from montreal and a bunch of my other friends just got back from a month long tour. when the forces collided the partying juices got to a point where they overflowed and exploded in everyones faces, where to begin. i guess it all started at the big heat and tarbenders house where we pre-boozed quite a bit and iscussed the gift giving salmon and the lightning buffalo's heard blessing the sensual rasberry massage oil. from that point we went to the bar where in our travels we found a chair made with the seat of toilet, truly a sign of a blessed night. once we got to the first bar gordie made a glory hole out of some of the plastic lining used to keep the smokers patio toasty in the winter, unfortunately there were no takers and all gordies work of perfecting a sensual glory hole was a bust. after this cody decided to drink his beer with a wax candle in it, the combination quicky overpowered cody and forced him to puke into the very glass he drank from, upon seeing this gordie decided to sample some of cody's vomit, unfortunately for gordie the flavour was not what he was expecting, forcing him to barf.

the next stop was a strange chinese restaurant where we quickly got a round of goldschlager shots before heading on to bigger and brighter things. somewhere around here someone kicked a sign over that forced restaurant owners to run out and start wrastling, it was a lot of smoke, no fire though. sneaky dees was the end of the road, a plate full of nachos and a butt load of beer. overcome with intoxication i decided to spill my guts literally in front of sneaky dees in hopes it would take the edge off the next morning, reflecting on it, it probably did more harm then good, as all the delicious nachos came out like pudding while all the booze was probably still in my veins. oh well, alas, the next day work was rough, blah, boring story but im warching saved by the bell and its the xmas special.

lakota healing medecine

2004-12-22T08:04:00.000-08:00

last night my friend cody drank a beer that someone put a candle in, he also drank the candle, then he puked into the beer glass, then gordie drank his puked and he puked. it was fucked. I will write the whole story soon.

p.s. - has anyone ever tried zanex? that shit is fucked.

boobs

2004-12-20T13:18:00.000-08:00

yo dudes, monday, close to xmas. this weekend i saw controller controller, they were good, a band called un-cut opened for them who were good as well. the minnesota vikings won a game of football which is also good. if you haven't heard the m83 album you should check it out, its good. i had some xmas events with my family which was good. hope your weekend was good.

this is just like a weekend in the sticks

2004-12-16T13:05:00.000-08:00

i feel like i should have alot of interesting things to say today because a bunch of cool and messed up things all kind of happened recently but surprisingly I don't. maybe im just getting old and losing my edge, i need to get kicked in the balls or punched in the face or something. i think this weekend im going to grab a camera and take some flictures then i can post the results up here, yeah, that might be kind of cool. speaking of pictures why dont more women like to have naked pictures of themselves? you know that part at the end of the people vs. larry flynt where larry is in his wheel chair and he asks courtney love to take her clothes off and she says "why" and he says "so i you can always see what you looked like when you were young and beautiful" i think that makes sense, if i was a girl i'd do it, but im a gross guy who has balls and a weird hangy thing called a penis.

chomping at the bit

2004-12-15T13:40:00.000-08:00

i can't take credit for finding this one but i do think you should all see it

dont forget carnie

2004-12-15T11:40:00.000-08:00

another hilarious dude from Big Brother magazine is Dave Carnie, check out this article from a bible thumper magazine about how horrible Big Brother magazine is, also check out Carnie's replies to the dudes questions later in the interview, hilarious....

bling bling

2004-12-15T09:19:00.000-08:00

Chris Nieratko is one of the funniest writers in the world, here is an interview he did with one of the guys from bon jovi, he also does the porn reviews for vice magazine.

this is another hilarious article about a job he got by lying and how crappy the job was.

beedoodooodooodededededoodoodoodedede

2004-12-15T08:49:00.000-08:00

new worst line in the world "im try-sexual, i will try anything sexual" eeeeeoooohhh. i saw it in a show last night about this weird nudist resort where everyone leaves there doors open while they hump so everyone else in the resort can walk up and watch them.

Peace Love Unity Respect

2004-12-15T06:20:00.000-08:00

PLUR!

oh yeah...

2004-12-14T13:36:00.000-08:00

new best picture on the internet here

proof the world is going to hell

2004-12-14T13:07:00.000-08:00

read this article, what would you do if you were a woman who went to this school? or better yet a female prof at this school. its like something out of a bad 80's college party movie or something.

im an adult now

2004-12-14T10:23:00.000-08:00

this may be old news to alot of people, and i know i have talked shit in the past about alot of bands that sing and scream but if people want to hear how to do a song where dudes are screaming and singing in the same song and make it awesome, get the tune "trepanning" by Cave in, its got bad ass rock riffs too. seriously check it. fucking awesome song.

PLUR

when you are with me....im free! im careless! i believe!

2004-12-14T08:39:00.000-08:00

5 dollars to first one to reply with the name of the song and band my title is from. anywho, another rad weekend ended with me getting sick, probably due to the amount of booze that entered my stomach combined with living with a dude that had a super bad flu. meh, what are you going to do. oh yeah, this weekend i met the singer of the canadian legendary band PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS!!!! remember them? well if anyone wants to meet him he dj's at the tap in toronto on bloor every saturday. he was pretty quiet in person and to be honest it was kind of depressing, I thought he would've been doing something cool, like kim mitchell is a dj for q107 and Ray Lyle from Ray Lyle and the storm teaches singing lessons (anyone remember there single "cruel life", yeah the one shot completely in HAMiLTON!!!!) heck, the dudes from helix still play half time shows at ti-cats games and stuff. this poor guy was djing to maybe 15 people. when my friend asked if he was in the pursuit of happiness he went "is this a joke?" yikes. dude needs a self esteem boost or something. oh yeah, saw death from above 1979 and panthers twice! such good shows, highly reccomend both bands, personally i thought panthers were better live. if you havent heard either of them you can go here and listen to both there albums in entirety. alright this upcoming weekend is one of 2 family xmas celebrations, after last years debacles im sure i'll have some hilarious stories to tell, i don't know if anything will beat last years situation where my drunken cousin (i mean REALLY DRUNK, like she couldnt walk) stole her dads car and drove looking for her boyfriend who stormed out on her. then they found her passed out on some dudes lawn, or, well, i could go on and on but i'll wait for some new ones to tell you dudes.

over and out

Sensitivity training

2004-12-06T11:35:00.000-08:00

yo dudes, pretty good weekend, got to hang out with some people i haven't seen in a long time and heard from a few that have moved away. pretty low key but good none the less. hey if anyone is looking for something to do in the hamilton area this week there is a great show on tuesday at the underground with death from above and one of my favorite bands the panthers. I actually have an extra ticket so if anyone is interested in going leave a message here or email me.

in other news, as we get closer to the birth of Geezus kraist the more lonely i feel, and the more lonely i feel, the more i know in my heart i need to have a Jedi Wedding not only is that site great for the idea behind it, but someone put in some serious time making that website too. truly killer.

alright thats it for now

get money

if your bored

2004-12-02T07:31:00.000-08:00

if your looking for new tunes i highly reccomend the new hot snakes cd "audit in progress" just straight up rock. no pretensions, no stupid clothes, no image garbage, dudes just rock.

big fake torpedo tits

2004-11-30T08:27:00.000-08:00

Jesus christ, after looking around myspace for a while it dawned on me that alot of girls think its cool to dress like transexual strippers. what the fuck is wrong with this world? its like 90% of girls are trying to dress like how they think guys want them to dress, but end up dressing the way 13 year old boys would like to see girls dress. so now without further ado, here is a list of things for all girls in the world to avoid if they dont want to look like desperate hookers with low self esteem:

1. Lesbianism.
okay, this isn't meant to offend real dykes, which i actually accept with open arms, this is for those girls who use lesbianism as a means of getting attention from dudes, how fucking gay is that? how many times have you been somewhere where two friends get drunk and start making out with eachother in front of some dudes? how much does it make you want to fucking barf when it happens? this is another one of those things that you think would be really cool when you were 12 but once you reach, i don't know, 17, your like "fuck, maybe those girls didn't get enough hugs from there parents or something". the only guys who are still into this sort of shit are the same dudes who like violent blow jobs where the girl starts choking on there weiner. uuggh.

2. Big fake rocket boobies.
yes we know they are fake. and yes, those two giant lumps on your chest may make you feel better about your low self confidence , but to everyone else in the world its like wearing a shirt that says "i figure i can't make it through life trying to have a personality so i'll settle for getting promotions from greasy assholes cause they want to squeeze these things"

3. Ridiculous sun tans.
Its like seeing a palm tree growing in saskatchewan, at first youd be interested and think its kind of cool then you'd realize how unnatural it is and how fucked up the world we live in is considering a tropical plant is growing in snow.

more to come, i promise.

it doesn't matter

2004-11-29T13:42:00.000-08:00

I kind of realised this weekend i havent been partying hard enough lately, as a result this weekend im getting fucking murdered, im thinking toronto, i will also have some cash so it will be a good night, if anyone is interested in coming out, let me know, i dont even need to know you, i just want to get fucking wrecked.

warren Zevon

2004-11-25T13:25:00.000-08:00

i have to credit my brother for finding this nugget.

gefilte fish

2004-11-19T10:48:00.000-08:00

can someone please explain this to me?

Dear North America

2004-11-18T13:34:00.000-08:00

we made a star out of jessica simpson for being a hot blonde who is dumb as fuck. what does that say about our culture?

its the small things that count

2004-11-18T13:06:00.000-08:00

the best thing about cubicles is when you blast a fart and then
everyone who comes in to talk to you has to act all civil and pretend
they dont notice the fart when its actually even stinkier cause all
the stink power is between the cubicle walls. i think theres some sort of stink insulation in cubicle walls or something. hahahah stink-sulation.

im back

2004-11-02T14:12:00.000-08:00

after months of being busy i realised again that this thing exists, i will write a post soon

2004-08-31T13:22:00.000-07:00

this is the best ninja ever.

Brainfart

2004-08-25T11:18:00.000-07:00

If bob seger ever wrote a biography, he should put a really serious picture on the cover and call it:
Night moves, The Bob Seger story

im so sorry....

2004-08-23T11:43:00.000-07:00

well i guess there are no excuses for my lack of updates in the last 3 weeks or so. I sincerely apologise to all those readers of my blog who look forward to new posts (aka me) anyways, ive been busy as death trying to stay on top of a bunch of different shit but this is neither the time or the place to talk about any of that stuff.

Is there anything more annoying then people who move from some small town to a big city and act like there king shit? specifically Toronto. what the hell is wrong with that place? when you move there are you forced into being brainwashed into thinking its the greatest place in the world or something? I mean, i like toronto alot but its by no means the best city in the world, but for some reason if you mention this to anyone between the ages of 20 and 25 who recently moved to the city they act like you shot them in the dick when you mention some of its flaws. Toronto is like the ugly jealous friend of new york city, new york gets to fuck all the football players and coolest guys in high school where as toronto is a huge prude who acts like "she doesn't want to degrade herself" or wonders how "you can respect yourself after doing things like that" despite the fact that shes actually a prude not by choice, but moreso because no hot dudes are into her. I know what alot of you are probably saying, "who are you to talk, your from Hamilton?" and your right, except i don't defend hamilton to the death like half these toronto retards. And at least in hamilton people are allowed to have there own opinions. yeah thats right, if someone likes hamilton, thats fine with me, if they hate it, thats fine too, but if you mention to any of the above types from toronto all the problems with the city they want you to give examples of all the problems with the city then they always say something like "well you just don't live here so you don't really understand", what? how does that make any sense? why did you ask then?

or here's another one, this actually happened at a party not too long ago

Some girl talking about some boring ass spoken word concert: did you go see (insert crappy spoken word artists name here) at (insert crappy pretentious club where people would rather look cool then actually party)?

boring girls friend: No i didnt. (looking at my friend whos from hamilton), did you go see it?

boring girl: oh no, hes not local, he wouldnt understand what we're talking about.

wow. what kind of bullshit is that? I also forgot to mention these girls moved from hamilton 4 months ago, and now they were speaking in crazy "toronto-talk" that us pea-brained hamiltonians wouldn't understand. what im trying to say is, please, if you live in toronto or any other big city for that matter, don't ever pull this "cooler-than thou" shit on us people from smaller towns. not only does it make you look like a total asshole, but it also kind of makes you look desperate. Like did you get a patch when you moved to toronto, are you part of a secret club or something? oh and another thing, and this is a biggy, if you were a fucking loser/asshole in the city you lived in before toronto, your probably going to be the same when your in toronto, people just wont notice it as much because theres so many more people like you in the big city.

alright im out. stupid rant i know, but hey, at least i wrote in this thing.

you heard it here first

2004-08-07T18:23:00.000-07:00

Okay Dokay, its official bitches, finally i come through and give everyone a reason to live

August 28th 2004
The Four Dollar TV Launch Party
At the Abisinthe in Hamilton, with special guests:
Boys Night Out (www.boysnightout.net)
Simcoe Street Mob (www.simcoestreetmob.com)
The Deviants (they're still stuck in the seventies and dont believe in the internet)

This is the official launch party for www.fourdollartv.com the best site about to be on the internet.

some guests already confirmed to show up:
Paris Hilton
one of the Olson Twins, the one who does tons of blow
Jesus Christ, the one who does tons of blow
Walter

for real though, tickets are 10 bucks in advance or more at the door. Don't miss this, if you come you WILL meet the love of your life, you WILL win a million dollars and you WILL one day discover that unicorns really do exist on earth.

word up.

there were 13 of them

2004-08-06T12:12:00.000-07:00

sorry for the lack of updates lately, i truly apologise to all those devoted fans of this blog, which by my count is one, me. anyways, four dollar tv (my production company) is in the midst of planning a big site launch party on august 28th, i promise you it will be alot of fun for everyone who comes. i will add more info about it later but for now lets just say theres going to be some good bands, free giveaways and booze. keep your ear to the ground folks, cause the shit is rolling in! rock, im out, ill write something else soon.

word

jesus rode on a unicorn named paul

2004-07-30T11:45:00.000-07:00

yo dudes, im going to be starting up a top secret experiment on the internet soon, i'll let the cat out of the bag once its all set up, hopefully it will go to plan the way i think it will in my head. in the meantime, next time you see some little punk ass goth looking girl wearing some played out marilyn manson shirt, you can be like "you aint got shit on the new goth trends, you aint real, you fake, you fake bitch!" then show her the way the japanese rock goth clothes. once again japanese people manage to go above and beyond what us stinky crackers do in rocking the gear, i swear to god next year we'll all laugh cause they'll be wearing toilets on there heads, then 5 years from now head toilets will be ultra cool here. it always happens.

oh man, oh man, oh man oh man. has anyone else heard about cosplay before? holy shit, how did i not know about this before? anyways its for people who dress up to try and look like anime characters or some shit, its fucking nuts!!!! honestly wild. some good sites are here and here. Once again another thing proving that my 100 dollar a day coke habit combined with my attraction to girls with bad teeth is pretty normal compared to these people. i love seeing stuff like this, its like god handing you a permission slip to piss your life down the drain because he knows you'll never do anything as retarded as these people. how do these people make it through high school? I rule.

oh yeah and theres a new best picture on the internet thanks to my new found best friend cosplay, it can be found here, or no, wait, maybe this is the best picture ont the internet, im not sure.

oh yeah and this is the most disturbing picture on the internet

you got jewels, stash'em son

2004-07-29T09:10:00.000-07:00

yo dudes, okay well i never got to adding to the post yesterday so i'll make up for it today. if anyone is intrigued by black metal theres a site with tons of cool photos by Peter Beste he was in this years vice photography issue and judging by some of the people hes photographed im guessing hes a pretty big photographer.

whats new with me? while im glad you asked, absolutely nothing. I need to get out and get more social cause lately ive been a weird hermit, Im starting to scare myself, i really want to try and avoid becoming one of those weird fat dudes who are really into anime and play pokemon card games with 15 year olds.

i was going to do a big post today i promise.

acoustic versions are always wack

2004-07-28T07:52:00.000-07:00

new best picture on the internet here.

i know i know its been a week since last update but i did write a post when i was really pissed off earlier this week but i decided to remove it. once again busy as hell, and once again if anyone wants to help out with a movie email me here, so far its going really good, got to use exploding blood and stuff last weekend which was hella fun. I will add more to this later, I promise.

but you cant use my phone....

2004-07-22T09:51:00.000-07:00

I wish i had never seen this site.

muggery

2004-07-21T08:46:00.000-07:00

hello scumbags. not much to write, just a short one, still busy with about a gazillion things so i havent had much time for that. also, my addiction to pornography basically has a stranglehold on my life. anyways, theres a new best picture on the internet, which can be seen here and me and my girlfriend broke up. I guess i should've known it was going to end, one time she actually introduced me by saying "This is my future Ex-boyfriend". harsh.

i dont even know anymore

2004-07-15T14:02:00.000-07:00

okay well this is probably the weirdest site i have ever been to, if anyone can explain it to me please do so, to be honest, it scares me a bit. and well this doesnt make much sense either, in fact if your really bored and want to read things that are going to make you feel less guilty about the direction of your life, just go to any of the personal links on this site, its the people going to furfest. man, i dont really know what to say.

one last one, you would think this site was run by a little kid, but its not its run by a grown 26 year old man. what the fuck? in fact, dont just look at his art go to the main page of his and snoop around, okay i need to go home and take a shower i feel kind of gross after this post, i promise my next couple posts will be a little more lite.

word up

blah blah blah blah

2004-07-13T13:31:00.000-07:00

okay dokay. well back into the middle of the work week again, been hella busy with trying to set up the whole movie thing, there will be a web site coming up in the near future so that people can check out the movies made so far as well as get more info on the one we're working on. If your into stupid comedy then you'll probablt be interested in checking out the site, plus what else are you going to do? its not like you have a girlfriend, or a job or even friends for that matter, everyone knows anyone who either reads or writes a blog is most likely some weirdo who spends his day bidding on dinosaur fossil auctions on ebay and looking for free passwords to porn sites right?! right!

ahhhhh!!!!!!! maybe ive been living under a rock for a while but what the hell is the story with Jessica simpson's sister Ashlee I know im probably not saying anything new here but seriously, come on. with Jessica i can understand that she's hot but Ashlee is nasty, look at her, shes probably got like a jillion dollars and that was the best they could make her look? yikes! Well at least nicole richie isnt the only one anymore who can complain about the jillions of dollars not compensating for bad genes. and to make matters worse, she has no ass, like literally no ass, like an anti-ass, bummer. Shes considered the more "rocking" sister, yeah, sure, theres nothing more "rocking" then sucking off your sisters fame, thats really "rocking" yeah! punk rock! Ashlee's gotta get some new A and R people working for her, I mean, didnt the whole rock and roll schtick come and go two years ago? couldnt they have thought of something a bit more modern, like the self loathing emo kid thing, isnt that the new shit? why didnt they just go back in time to 1999 and make her "Ashlee, the sister whos really into swing music", remember when swing music was popular!!!! how ridiculous was that? yeah, and everyone was like "no man, I love the cherry poppin daddies, there awesome, I'll love'em forever, its not a trend, its a way of life!" hahahahahahaha, what happened to that? you know some shit head rich people made a boat load of cash off pawning that retarded scene to the kids. maybe im being too harsh, i mean, after all its not like i don't see people wearing "brian setzer orchestra" t-shirts all the time.

i dont really have anything to say, i just felt like i should write something for the hell of it.

say word

quickie but a goodie

2004-07-12T10:31:00.000-07:00

kind of funny, read this article, then after your done look at the "related news" section on the web page, now doesnt that seem a little inappropriate?

plur!

what is the meaning of crime? is it Criiminals Robbing Innocent Motherfuckers Everytime?

2004-07-08T10:11:00.001-07:00

yo dudes, busy as hell lately, between bouts of self loathing, people coming and going and trying to get busy with movie stuff. Not to mention a flooded house, and trying to make my bosses a million bucks.

Anyways, it was a good weekend, met some dorkuses I am planning on writing big rants about as well as dug up some funny websites and pictures. Here is a good one for starters, and no this is isnt a joke. a site where people can get e-cards to send to people who suffer from addiction to pornography. If you snoop around the site a bit you'll notice its run by a bunch of crazy bible thumpers who think once people start looking at porno they wont be able to control themselves and will have to hump everything in sight. The funniest part about the e-cards is how irrelevant the pictures on the front of them are with respect to porno addiction, what the fuck does rain falling on flower petals have to do with porno addicts. wouldnt it be more true to form to have pictures of crumpled toilet paper all over the place? or maybe stained sheets? or maybe a calloused penis, either way some of the photos dont really make any sense.

well if your anyone worth knowing youve probably heard about LARPS by now. for those of you who dont know LARP stands for Live Action Role Playing. think of dungeons and dragons but instead of playing it with pencil and paper, they live it. and they spend like 3 years every weekend living in these made up worlds. dont believe me? check out here its a site with links to tons of larps going on, or if your bored go to google, type in the city you live in with the worl larp at the end, I guarantee you there are larp clubs in your city. anyways, the other day me and a friend took great interest in one larp site specifically, this one. you might ask yourself, well whats so special about this one? is it the fact theres a picture of some big giant puppet? nope. Is it because theres a person dressed in what looks like cat pajamas youd give to a kid with down syndrome? nope. is it because they're tastes in art are about on par with a drunk frat boy? nope. or maybe, you think, just maybe its because the historical inacuracies of there LARP are so glaring, I mean, god knows there wasnt any fucking tin foil in the dark ages or whatever time their trying to reproduce. the answer to all these questions is no. the real reason this one in particular is so interesting is because of this and this. These son of a bitches managed to get hot girls to show up to there larp? After arguing over whether she was a russian prostitute who was payed to show up to the larp or a girl who had recently shed about 200 pounds and still hadnt realised she was hot, my friend decided it would be best to go undercover. As a result, he wrote the following email to the head of the LARP:

>From: Roknar The Furry
>To: epochpres@hotmail.com
>Subject: Greetings!
>Date: Thu, 1 Jul 2004 16:26:04 -0400

Hi Ryan, I've been browsing the Epoch site which I noticed you're the president of and I came across this photo: http://www.epoch-larp.ca/gallery/2002Mar2.jpg Can you tell me how you fooled a hot girl into showing up at your dork convention? I'm a dork just like you and I was hoping you could tell me your technique cause i've been trying for about 20 years now to lose my virginity with no success. Can you give me this girl's contact info? I think she may have a soft spot for a chubby D&D nerd like me if she's willing to show up to an Epoch event.

Live long and prosper,
The Furry One

much to our surprise he got an email back from ryan (the head larp dude) quite quickly:

From: Epoch President
Date: Sat, 03 Jul 2004 22:36:05 -0400
Subject: RE: Greetings!
To: schmood@gmail.com

we have more. no fooling needed. they come and join up and stay for the most
part.. You'd be best coming out and playing.. well once we get through the
transition troubles left over from last year. heh
This one however.. well personal stuffs aside, you want her yer welcome to
her. but you'd be better off avoiding her. Trust me on this one.

oh shit, sounds like drama in the little larp village of bladesword-castlewizard or whatever the hell its called. I wonder if the dude is bitter cause shes more into wizards then his weak barbarian character or something, either way, dude sounds jaded. The funniest part about the email is how he tries to imply he was dating her or something, sure dude, we all know when she showed up your larp world you got a larp boner and larp hit on her then went home and larp masturbated, but its cool dude, cause you were in character and in real life you wouldnt do get down like that. do people in larps bone? and wouldnt that be the biggest cop out ever when hitting on girls in a larp? like all "Im adonis the horny dragon slayer you wanna hump?" then when they say no be like "no that wasnt me, its just the character im playing, in real life im actually a sweet guy, want to see my sword collection?"

what the fuck?

word

its not because you have cancer, its because your a dick.

2004-07-05T15:16:00.000-07:00

man, tons of stuff on my mind after this weekend, will post more later but right now im busy. anyways, for now, has anyone heard of LARPS? aka, live action role playing games! wow, i just found out about them this weekend, its funny how many of those people into yiffies are also really into larps. oh yeah, more to talk about including rich kids, people with disabilities who are total douche bags and how much really politically correct people piss me off. dont even know why i wrote this post, its not like anyone actually reads this every day or anything. fuck. i suck.

I am gay.

eat shit.

AICHA!

2004-07-01T11:06:00.000-07:00

okay, im sure by now alot of people have seen this video, but it was my first time seeing it today and it definitely deserves its own post. once again, i know its probably played out but fuck, its hilarious! bomby!

p.s. this guy needs a beating

oh yeah, and theres a new best picture on the entire internet here

alone in the darkness of loneliness

2004-07-01T06:39:00.000-07:00

I thought i would try making the titles of my posts really emo to try and attract a young self loathing crowd of readers, oh shit i also need to post a picture of myself looking off to the side with my hair in front of my face or something like this or this or maybe more like this. well in case you don't know yet probably one of the best things to do with your extra time is to go on to the google image search and type in the word "yiffy". A friend from work told me about this and it produces the funniest results you have ever seen in your life (oh yeah, and it also re-assures you of how normal you are) if your too lazy to bother doing it yourself, check out some of the softer stuff, or just cut to the chase and look at the "what the fuck is this dude thinking" stuff, and trust me, it gets alot worse then that.

One of the funniest sites about furry's is this one. It tries to make a positive spin on the whole furry thing, its trying to hide how fucked up it is. if you read the top quote it says

Furry - "The exploration of internal spirituality and societal interaction through the artistic expression of anthropomorphic animals."

WHAT????!!!! dude, just because werewolves give you boners it doesnt mean your "exploring your internal spirituality". secondly, the name of the fucking site is lapdragon.org. LAPDRAGON.ORG, and your trying to tell me you like to hump mascots because its spiritual?! yeah dude that makes total sense, like the other day i was thinking about humping a cow because its good for my karma.

oh yeah, and i bet some of you are thinking "what type of person does this sort of thing?" well, here is a good example of the choice type of person who rocks the yiffy art, check out the "as a feline" section for the really good photos. my question is what stops these people from humping dogs? p.s. if you are the dude who runs that site and your reading this, dont come looking for me or anything, your webite scares me enough as it is, and don't think that your going to be sneaky by dressing up as a feline or anything, if my cat gets raped i will know its you.

word

p.s. - this is the best picture on the entire internet

Konechewa bitches

2004-06-30T06:23:00.000-07:00

okay, if anyone reading this wants to be in a movie please reply to this post. Me and a close friend are currently working on a 35 minute movie that we are going to begin shooting on July 16th. The movie is a comedy spoofing some of the cop shows of the eighties (simon and simon, miami vice, etc. etc.). anyways we need alot of help for it, actors, actresses, people to help with behind the scenes stuff, fluffers, etc. we also really need a small person, if anyone out there is a small person or knows one that would be willing to give up two hours of time for 50 bucks please get back to me. Oh yeah and we also promise THIS IS NOT A PORNO. I know alot of people probably think that but just to get it out of the way there will be no nudity or sex involved, however if someone is actually looking to be in a porno, uhhhhh, send me your info anyways. Me and the other dude have done a bunch of short films before and shit so we arent just going to be running around with a camcorder trying to get girls drunk and show us there boobies, or trying to imitate jackass stunts, this is a for real low budget movie. If anyone wants to find out more reply to this post and I'll contact you to give you some info, or you can just email me at sie_97@yahoo.com

First post

2004-06-29T07:44:00.000-07:00

well this is my first post, hopefully ill be able to eventually come up with something worth reading but for now i think the best bet is to point everyone to some other stuff on the internet.

anyways, is there anything funnier then actresses losing there shit? holy crap, if you havent seen this website, I highly reccomend it. Its way beyond fucked up. Working girl has gone off the rocker. It's like every 9 year old girls dream website, but I thought most women kind of gave up those thoughts after they stopped wearing pink sweat pants and watching my little pony, melanie your fucking 50, give it up! Antonio must be bummed, he's probably thinking of all the hot mexican pussy hes probably missing out on, and here he has this old hollywood dinosaur of a wife acting like she's snow white. she has to lay off the oxycotin.

this is one of the most truthful articles I have ever read about partying in my life. nothing good ever does happen after 4:30.....

this site is pretty good to look at too if you got alot of time on your hands, some pretty hilarious stories.

oh yeah and if you feel like it, try to tell me some good new music to listen to cause i get sick of the music i have all the time. don't be a bitch, fill me in on some bands, but dont give me the link to your douchy indie rock band's website, no i dont want to hear your crappy music about how you dyed your hair black and wear stupid kitchy blazers that are too small for you. in fact, fuck you! dont send me music, i dont want to hear it. fuck it.

anyways, expect big things from this site, its going to completely revolutionalize the internet, blah blah blah, fart fart fart. in all honesty i'll probably just get sick of writing in it then it will fade off like so many other things in my life like trying to eat more healthy, and hunt fewer endangered species.

Quote of the day "Big guns, money and pussy make the world go round" - Shyheim